In the fast-paced world we live in today, parents often find themselves juggling numerous responsibilities.
Work. Meals. Kids.
Sometimes your bed beckons you for a little siesta (especially if you have Fibromyalgia).
I know I direct Wade to play by himself a lot.
And sometimes I feel bad about it.
Is it bad for my child to play alone? I wonder.
Are you wondering the same thing?
I wrote this blog post to comfort myself and comfort you when you just can’t and you need your child to play alone.
I already knew the answer thanks to my elementary education studies, yet I needed reassurance.
Because do we need to feel guilty about something as simple as play?
Because it’s not so simple when maybe you don’t have much free time to spend playing with them…
So, is it bad for your child to play alone?
Is it bad for my child to play alone?
No, it is not bad for your child to play alone.
Giving your child time to play alone allows them to use their creativity, problem-solve, and test new ideas. Having time to themselves is a good thing (even if they say they’re bored).
Studies show that children need at least 45 minutes of quality playtime to become fully immersed in whatever they’re doing.
So if your child is playing in their room for an hour while you catch up on dishes or take a nap, you don’t need to feel guilty about it.
Because it’s not bad for your child to play alone.
You are not neglecting them.
That being said, make sure your child is playing in a safe space with age-appropriate supervision (i.e. quiet, periodic check-ins).
As long as they’re safe and you’re in earshot of them, everybody’s good.
Benefits of your child playing alone
Playing alone is great for a kid’s brain development. Independent playtime provides your child with opportunities to explore, make mistakes, and learn.
Your kiddo also expands their skills such as focus, concentration, and emotional resilience, like when toys don’t stand up right or they can’t get the two Lego pieces unstuck.
Some benefits of solo play time for your child include:
- increased willingness to create and test new ideas
- cultivate their imagination
- discover what they like
- learn from mistakes (i.e. they need to increase the incline of their ramp for their car to gain enough speed to wreck the others below)
- increased self-esteem (confidence in their own ability to find something to do, change their mind)
- build patience and persistence
- “reset” their body and mind from overstimulation
So the next time you guilt yourself over your child playing by themselves for a bit, think back to these benefits.
How often should kids play alone?
It depends on a child’s age how often they should play alone.
Toddlers should be able to play independently every day for about 15-30 minutes.
3-5-year-olds can play by themselves for about an hour.
Don’t worry if your child doesn’t enjoy playing by themselves for that long yet.
The more you encourage them and set boundaries, the more they’ll grow that self-reliant muscle.
Being bored is a good thing.
What if my child prefers to play alone?
You needn’t worry if your child prefers playing alone. It’s normal, especially before a child enters kindergarten. Many children who prefer to play alone become adults who enjoy solitary time.
Is that a bad thing?
Yet understandably, many parents get frustrated when they bring their kiddo to playdates and their child decides to hang out by themselves, content with their own company.
Or if their child is playing next to another child, but still is playing technically by themselves – that’s called parallel play.
Associative play comes next, around 3-4 years of age, and that’s when kids start to mingle more with others.
However, it’s normal for kids to still prefer their own company.
Would it surprise you to learn that most of the discomfort around the fact that your child prefers playing alone is from you?
Maybe you’re an extrovert who wishes your child would come out of their shell.
Or an introvert afraid of their offspring having the same social inklings.
Maybe neither, as you’re one way and your child is the opposite.
(I’m introverted, my kid is pretty extroverted already.)
Know that it’s okay if your child prefers to play alone.
Should you interrupt independent play?
No, you should not interrupt your child when they’re playing alone.
Breaking their concentration breaks the problem-solving skill-building currently at work in your child’s brain.
As they play, your child exercises their imagination, concentration, and problem-solving skills.
Remember your Barbies and horses and their dramatic storylines?
It’s tempting to chime in with “Oh that looks so good,” or even catch eye contact as you walk by, but stop yourself.
Don’t barge in to show your child how to do something, especially if they didn’t ask.
Leave your child be and let them play uninterrupted.
Related:
Your takeaway
Please stop wondering, is it bad for my child to play alone??
Because it’s not.
Time spent playing alone is healthy for kids because it gives them opportunities to be creative and problem-solve.
Solo play also builds emotional resilience and concentration, and opens doors for kids to discover what they like.
Among many other beneficial things.
Life is hectic. Take care of it. Take care of yourself.
You’re not neglecting your child by directing them to play by themselves.
You’re a loving parent who is doing their best.
How do you feel telling your child to go play by themselves?
Is it something you’ve got to practice to shake off the guilt and uphold any boundaries?
Share in the comments – I love reading y’all’s thoughts and experiences.
