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“The view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life.”
You’re driving. You’re making dinner. You’re at work.
Something doesn’t go right, so you mumble under your breath or shoot off some spicy explicatives in your head.
What do you say to yourself? Are you talking negatively towards yourself?
I shouldn’t have said that in today’s meeting. That was stupid.
I always burn the pancakes.
I forgot to do that; I’m a [insertive your creative expletive here]
I am a failure.
I talk to myself this way quite often. Very often.
My mind seems to enjoy wandering off into the dark places of my brain, making me feel worthless, guilty, and stupid.
My legs and hips were feelin’ extreme today, so I took off work as guilt-ridden comments flailed wildly in my head.
When I catch myself being negative, I consciously have to move my thoughts from being in a fixed mindset (negative) to a growth mindset (positive).
I may have said that stupid thing in that meeting, but I recovered.
I may have burned the pancakes this time and the last, but maybe I need to change something to get it right.
I forgot to do that thing because I have a lot on my mind.
I am not a failure. I may fail at things, but it does not define me as a failure. I have to choose to have a growth mindset.
If you’re like me and live with Fibromyalgia, you may feel helplessly stuck with the pain.
Is there anything you can do to ease that pain?
Yes, you can – with a growth mindset.
The #1 thing you need if you have Fibromyalgia
What you need as a person living with Fibromyalgia is a growth mindset.
Rather than feeling stuck, hopeless, and resentful about your Fibromyalgia, you can choose to feel what you feel yet choose to strive for solutions, resulting in a higher quality, more joyous life.
I know that’s harder said than done, especially if you’re smack dab in the middle of a painful flare.
But hear me out.
We can choose to be active participants in our road to recovery with Fibromyalgia and not just take the punches (or should I say flares?) as they come.
It takes work, but you’ve got to reframe how you think about your pain.
Maybe you’re suffering from a flare right now and think “Oh fuck you, Emily,” but, if you keep enduring that pain, over and over, you’re going to feel stuck. I’ve felt stuck.
So something has got to change, right?
You may not be able to instantly change the pain, but one thing you can change right now is your mindset about your Fibromyalgia.
Research has shown that repetitive, negative thinking can cause higher levels of anxiety, depression, and poor sleep.
Pair that with poor coping strategies and you’ve got a recipe for more body aches and pains. The mind and body are connected.
Potentially you can just ‘think’ yourself into another painful flare. I feel stuck. I’m fixed in this position and there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.
Instead of “Fuck, my legs hurt so bad,” try “Fuck, my legs hurt so bad, but I know that a medication/a hug/sleep/just something can help, and I’m going to find it.”
Now, let’s talk about the differences between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset.
The difference between a growth and fixed mindset
Anyone can fluctuate between having a growth or fixed mindset. What exactly does it mean though, to have a growth or a fixed mindset?
A growth mindset is an optimistic outlook on life, with the understanding that every part of your life is growing, learning, and meant to evolve.
A fixed mindset leans towards pessimistic, with an individual holding the belief that their skills, knowledge, and essentially life are stuck, fixed.
If Fibro has you wrapped around its finger, you’ve probably dwelled here often. I have!
Growth mindset
Carol Dweck, an American psychologist who coined the term ‘growth mindset,’ defines a growth mindset as “the understanding that abilities and understanding can be developed.” Essentially, having a growth mindset means understanding that there is room to grow and learn, even when they make a mistake.
People with this mindset believe that with time and effort, they can become better. They can improve. Their abilities are not set in stone but are flexible and malleable.
People with a growth mindset see challenges as something to conquer, something they can gain from no matter the outcome. They like to try new things and value feedback.
Can I add that they would likely agree with the cliche that the glass is half-full?
Here’s an example: Do you want to be a chef but don’t know how to cook?
Good, because that’s how all chefs started out!
My point is that everyone has to learn and keep learning, and a growth mindset embraces that belief.
With Fibromyalgia, a growth mindset is helpful because you can hold onto that glimmer of hope – that not every day will feel this painful or tiring.
That you will learn how to manage – or better yet – banish your chronic pain for good.
Fixed mindset
On the other hand, according to Dweck, a fixed mindset is the belief that you can’t change where you are in life.
It’s like saying “Why bother?” (I’ve literally had the nickname Eeyore before, so….)
If you’re rooted in a fixed mindset, you likely think thoughts like:
- You aren’t good at math, so you’re useless at helping with the kid’s homework.
- You got passed over for the previous promotion, so you won’t apply for the next one
- Friends and co-workers often talk over you, so you don’t bother speaking up or holding your own
When you hold a fixed mindset, you believe your abilities are static and unchanging and by that, your potential is predetermined and limited.
People in this camp feel like they need to prove themselves constantly and give up easily.
(Hello, again, raises hand due to the many projects I have yet to complete from total fear of other people’s opinions, including writing these very blog posts)
People with fixed mindsets are also more likely to be in a state of learned helplessness, which is a state of feeling helpless because they seemingly can’t succeed – so nothing is worth trying.
Take for example a child struggling in math. If he continues to get low grades, he’ll start to develop this internal belief that he is bad at math and essentially helpless.
This false, though seemingly real belief, is a driving force in telling the child that it’s not worth it for him to try to improve.
In the context of Fibromyalgia, clinging to a fixed mindset may sound like:
- “Exercise hurts me, so I’m not doing any.”
- “My body hurts no matter what food I eat. I don’t know where to start to eat better. I’m overwhelmed.”
- “That last medication’s side effects were awful. How can I ever find one that will work for me?”
What's your mindset?
Think about it: which mindset do you think you typically have? You probably know without having to think much about it!
For the majority of my experience with Fibromyalgia, I’ve had a fixed mindset.
Only after learning about a growth mindset when I was in college did I stop to think – damn – I need to do something to get myself back on track because this way of living is not working!
You have the ability to change your mindset
A fixed or growth mindset is not static; you have to be willing to do the work to make the change.
With a growth mindset, you’re not stupid because you undercooked the pasta. You undercooked the pasta and may need to start over, but now you know to throw some pasta at a cabinet to check for stickiness (readiness) before dumping it through a colander.
You may not have made that dish to your satisfaction the first time but hey, you learned something.
With a growth mindset, you’re looking for that something, that lesson, that humility, that lightbulb moment that makes you go “Oh yeah, this shit’s gonna be okay even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
I have to keep going and trying new things.”
I totally did that last night while making dinner. I felt so dumb that I messed up something as simple as pasta, but I decided that hey, 1.) It’s just cheap-ass pasta, and 2.) Now I know that I need to cook the pasta fully or else it tastes like rubbery ick.
Though my Negative Voice chimed in with “You’re stupid!”, my growth mindset reassured me that it was all good.
Yes, I do have to actively keep reminding myself to think this way, but it gets easier day by day. Practice, practice, practice.
When things don’t go as planned, I have to consciously choose to grab onto positive thoughts. I choose to create them because I won’t lie — they are not always there.
When flares hit me, they can almost be impossible to find. If you’re like me, your mind starts spinning out of control and you have no idea how you got there. It’s a constant crash and burn.
And then that causes another flare.
How I learned to apply a growth mindset to my life with Fibro
I remember being in one of my college courses and learning about adopting a growth mindset within a school classroom, and learning how to teach students how to adopt a growth mindset (I went to school for Elementary Education).
I remember we often discussed a growth mindset in our professional development meetings at the schools. It’s certainly a buzz-worthy word today.
It hit me — why can’t I adopt a growth mindset?
Why can’t I speak more positively to myself, and learn to love navigating through life again? Why would I teach my students to think this way and not practice it myself?
I was starting to feel like a fraud.
I had lost my zest for life, quite honestly, and I think I had been wandering aimlessly for years.
I didn’t know how to operate and live my life under crushing Fibromyalgia pain and crushing, negative, fixed thoughts.
So I said, NO MORE!
No more beating myself down because I am tired. I am tired but I can do what I can, and honor my body and rest.
Take that damn nap!
No more feeling guilty when my husband or son touches me and it hurts, because, I am sensitive and that is okay, and it is okay to cry because it hurts.
No more hating myself for becoming physically and mentally overwhelmed in a situation, no matter how big or small, because, I sometimes just need to retreat, to duck away without explaining myself to anybody.
I started to flip the script on my negative thoughts. It’s positively working for how I feel with my Fibro.
Your takeaway
You’ve got to choose to be proactive about your recovery to a better quality of life living with Fibromyalgia.
Feel your pain, but don’t dwell.
Look for solutions. Try new things.
Do you think you have a growth mindset? What are you willing to work on to improve your life as a person living with Fibromyalgia?
Share with me in the comments below – I love to connect with other Fibromites!
2 replies on “Why A Growth Mindset Is The #1 Thing You Need With Fibromyalgia”
What a great concept!! And so very true!! Thank you for sharing this article with me. 🙂
Thanks Brandi! 🙂