If there’s one thing I’m thankful for during my college days (I studied elementary education), it’s that I learned about child development.
The physical happenings and psychology behind a growing child’s brain are complex. Yet many adults treat kids – and expect kids to behave – like adults.
This maturing complexity in a kid’s brain does not equal adult-level comprehension.
While this may seem obvious in a blog post, during an overstimulated, underprepared parent-child squabble/argument/whathaveyou, this knowledge can fly right out the window.
Like full-force chuck itself right out of your brain. WHEEE!
Or maybe your brain never learned this stuff about your kiddo’s psychology and physiology development anyway.
Whatever the case for you, in today’s blog post, you’ll learn about the 4 stages of brain development by age, including typical behaviors, milestones, and limitations.
I’ll also explain why understanding basic brain development is important for you to know as a parent with Fibromyalgia.
Crazy how much a cockscomb flower really looks like a brain!
Why it’s important to understand children’s brain development
Having a healthy understanding of how your child’s brain works will guide you to parent with more understanding and compassion – two important pillars of the gentle parenting world.
Understanding the stages of brain development by age can also help reduce your stress – a great thing if you’re a parent with Fibromyalgia.
Having an understanding of how the brain develops is beneficial because:
- This understanding helps you work with your child at their level (versus parenting on autopilot/age-inappropriate way)
- You’ll strengthen the relationship between you and your child by being responsive and connection-seeking
- It may help reduce stress and thus Fibromyalgia flares (aka fatigue and PAIN!)
1. You learn to parent in a developmentally appropriate way
To raise your child in a developmentally appropriate way means to work with your child and meet them at their developmental level.
You forgo old parenting patterns that were likely passed down to you through your parents and your life experiences.
You stop blindly following the blind. Yelling, Punishing. Reacting.
For example, I got my feathers ruffled over the weekend when he asked to play one more round (or two, or three) of Crash Team Rumble (on weekends he can play twice a day for one hour each).
Sometimes I got annoyed and barked back, others I remembered that it’s normal for his age at 6 to question my authority…
(“But why can’t I play one more?” is a legit question and that he may struggle with seeing other’s point of view, such as hurry the f up get in the bathtub I am mf’ing tired these legs are TIRED.)
2. You support a healthier relationship with your child
When you start to parent in a developmentally appropriate way, it’s like a fresh plot of soil for your relationship with your child to bloom and blossom.
Trust deepens. Your child’s young nervous system is learning how to navigate the safe world you encompass with them. There’s healthy communication, understanding, and support given unconditionally.
You learn that fuck, I wasn’t always doing the best thing. What I was doing was going against the grain of their development.
I was basically punishing them for being a kid, as a kid should be.
FUCK.
Yep. But that realization is a good one, promise.
3. May help reduce stress and Fibro flares
Lastly, the more you learn to parent with your child’s development in mind, the easier it’ll become to navigate tricky (sticky?) situations.
Like saying no to another round of video games, saying yes to a snack before bed or dinner if they’re so hungry! and joining in their game of pretend play that you sometimes find really annoying.
By learning how to move through these events in a way that honors your child where they’re at versus blindly going by only what you know through your upbringing, your stress decreases.
And anybody with chronic pain knows that added stress is a pain trigger.
A fucking pain multiplier.
The 4 stages of brain development by age
Developed in 1936 by Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget, the four stages of brain development are:
- Sensorimotor (birth – 2 years)
- Preoperational (2 – 7 years)
- Concrete operational (7 – 11 years)
- Formal operational (12 – adulthood)
These are also known as the 4 stages of cognitive development.
Piaget studied and interviewed children, babies, and teenagers, and realized that kids think differently at each stage.
An easy example is an infant who has not yet reached the milestone of object permanence. A baby does not realize that his mom – playing peek-a-boo – is still there behind her hands. Instead, the baby believes she is gone because he cannot see her. Object permanence happens around 4-7 months old in the sensorimotor stage.
While not a ground-breaking example that’ll help you wise-owl your way out of receiving bad behavior from your kid, it’s a big milestone for that first stage of cognitive development.
1. Sensorimotor (birth to 2 years)
Babies are born into the sensorimotor stage, during which they explore using their senses. They’ll also focus on what’s immediately in front of them, but you know that.
This stage is full of experimentation and learning cause and effect like throwing a rattle to make noise to get your attention.
There are 6 sub-stages if you’re interested, but I won’t go into those here.
Now that you know about object permanence, think about how people make comments like “that baby is just crying to manipulate you.”
God, that line.
You’ve def heard this from an in-law, friend, or random person in the store, or read how others feel that way in your Fibro Mommy support group. (Though I’ve never seen anyone talk that way in a Fibro mom group, just normal 1,000+ plus Mom groups…)
Those babies are not manipulating their mothers. Or fathers, or caregivers, or anybody. They are being babies, and crying is the most instinctive way to grab a human’s attention.
Unfortunately, your tiny sack of newborn potatoes doesn’t know how (quality) sleep-deprived you are and just wants food and comfort.
Babies younger than 8 months may struggle with you leaving because they can’t see you but trust they’re not doing it to manipulate you.
Or stop you from folding some fucking laundry.
2. Preoperational (2 to 7 years)
The preoperational stage is about children learning to think symbolically, though they struggle to think logically. “Operational” in psychology means using logic to process the input to your brain.
The preoperational stage is full of role-play and imagination – like a stick is a wand. In stage two, it’s creativity and exploration over logic and cause and effect.
This la la la doo de de doooo dilly-dally behavior in your child isn’t necessarily all personality – it’s just how their brain (and environment, to be fair), is making them behave. Kids are also the most egocentric at this age.
Is this frustrating as a parent? You betcha.
I swear, parenting a kid between two and 7 can feel like you’re in charge of a cute daydreaming puppy.
3. Concrete operational (7 to 11 years)
During Piaget’s third stage of brain development, children use more logic in their thinking and can easily see the viewpoints of others. They use concrete, physical evidence to support their rational thinking.
Reversibility is a hallmark of this stage, which is the realization that though something has changed, it can be brought back to its original state.
For example, a dropped cake on the floor can’t combine to make a whole cake again (well, nicely looking and edible, at least), though a puzzle can be pieced together again if a cat zoomied all over the table and made pieces go flying.
Your child may cry when either one gets destroyed into a thousand bits, but at this age, at least they can see that something can be done to save it. Let’s take the puzzle example. We’ve all done a puzzle with our child – and taken it apart – to realize that was a f’ed up decision. “NOOOOOO!” your little one screams, “My puzzle is gone!”
But it can go back together!! You scream-panic back. IT CAN GO—-
You know now that it’s simply the stage of development their brain is in, and it’s your job to guide them back to calm, whatever that may look like for you two.
4. Formal operational (12 to adulthood)
Formal operational is the final stage of cognitive development, beginning around middle school.
Individuals at this stage can problem-solve hypothetically and have metacognition – aka reflect on their own thinking.
Okay, but what about this stage do parents tend to “get wrong?”
Your parents probably got on to you about this too…
Teenagers and young adults sleep much more than kids and grown-ups and go to bed later – making their parents often angry with their teens for “laziness.”
This shift happens because teenagers have a biologically driven delay in their sleep cycles. Furthermore, the sleep hormone melatonin is produced later during the day in teens than in adults.
It’s a no-brainer that these natural biological shifts cause teens to stay up later and sleep way past the crack of dawn. Teens need an hour or two more sleep as well, because of these changes. (Teens need 8-10, adults 7-9).
Your takeaway
The four stages of brain development by age are:
- Sensorimotor (birth – 2 years)
- Preoperational (2 – 7 years)
- Concrete operational (7 – 11 years)
- Formal operational (12 – adulthood)
Having insight into how your child’s brain works will not only help you parent in age-appropriately but will strengthen your relationship. With more calm comes less stress, pain, and fatigue.
