Since following a few parenting with Fibromyalgia blogs, I’ve noticed a trend:
Fibro parents create “Fibro play kits” – a collection of little activities and games to keep their kids busy during a flare.
I don’t think you need to do all that.
You don’t need to go through all the work of gathering busy work for your children when you’re already hurting.
By ditching the kits, you’ll have a little more energy to spend and your kids will be bored.
And being bored is a good thing.
Why you don’t need a Fibro play kit for your kids on flare days
You don’t need to prepare anything special for your kids on flare days.
Your energy is a precious resource that shouldn’t (can’t) be wasted.
Plus, studies show that kids grow their mental muscles while bored.
Here are 6 reasons why you don’t need a Fibro play kit for your kids on flare days:
1. You expend energy trying to bundle it all up
You already know how much energy it takes doing every day everything, so setting aside energy and mental space to gather ‘fun activities’ becomes suddenly an annoying task.
It’s not like flares pencil themselves in your planner.
The premise of most of these kits is that they’re activities your kids don’t do all that often – so they’re at least okay with their parent having a flare so long as they have something to keep them preoccupied.
Yes, worksheets, coloring books, stories, and electronics are entertaining, but why gather it all together when your child can go find it themselves?
All you need to do during a flare is point them to their toys and imagination. And maybe ask for a hug.
2. Boredom is beneficial for kids
Boredom is good, boredom is great. Boredom seals a developed fate.
Studies show that kid’s emotional and mental well-being increases thanks to being bored.
Bordeom spurs creativity, critical thinking, and problem-solving.
That’s not to say a book you picked out for your kid’s Flare Play Kit isn’t worthy of reading, or that if your child enjoys coloring pages and worksheets they’re bad.
But leaving your child to their own devices – their brain and environment – is a better recipe for reaching out-of-the-box thinking.
This reminded me of Webb’s Depth of Knowledge framework, which I learned about while studying elementary education.
You can see that strategic and extended thinking are the highest levels of knowledge.
Leaving your child to figure out what they want to do with their time forces them to think, observe, reason, conclude, design, create.
They’re free to flow between levels and discover what they want to do in the moment.
We limit our kids when we give them work to “work on” or prescribe activities to do.
3. Costs money
Why buy extra activities that are “new” and “special” to your child when they have perfectly good (and often unplayed with) toys and games they already own?
Video games, books, library books, the yard, legs up in the air while dangling off the couch…
These are all resources to keep your child entertained and occupied.
And not one extra dime was spent all because you had a flare.
4. Sets a precedent for doing it again
If you do it once, you’ll be tempted (and feel damn guilty if you don’t) do it again.
Don’t box yourself in by pulling out the Fibro play kit for every flare.
Plus, the novelty will eventually wear off on your child.
5. They learn to take care of you
Being more attuned to how Mom feels helps your child learn how to care for you.
Your child learns to pick up on your needs and feelings and ways to help.
That compassion naturally extends to others.
By sending your child “away” with a kit, you’re missing out on an opportunity to invite them in.
While they may not need to know every detail of your despair, you are a human, not a Mom SuperHuman Robot, so tell them how they can help make you feel better.
Hugs, kisses, back rubs, laying with me, and getting me water or the heating pad are a few ways Wade likes to care for me when I’m feeling down and out.
6. You ditch the guilt
Okay, you ditch some of the guilt here. I don’t think it’s possible to be a 100% guilt-free parent.
We’re all human, and having a flare is zero fun.
It’s natural to feel guilty that you can’t do all the things you want to do with your kids.
But adding another whopping layer of guilt because you didn’t get the damn Flare play kit ready is silly sauce.
Related:
Your takeaway
I’ve never made a Fibro flare play kit for my kid, and I can’t see myself doing that anytime soon.
On bad days I’ll lay down or slow down, and I tell my child how I’m feeling.
He already knows what to get to make me more comfortable (blankets, pillows, one of his stuffed animals, and a kiss and a song).
He also knows how to entertain himself when I’m recuperating.
While some guilt is naturally present, I don’t feel extra guilty because I forgot to make up a little kit for him. I know he’s capable of experimenting and creating, and that’s all he needs.
All I need in those moments is to rest.
And that’s all you need to do, too.
(Having what I discuss in this blog post is important too.)
So ditch the kits and encourage your child to embrace boredom with open arms.
You really, really don’t have to have a Fibro play kit for your kids.
What are your thoughts on creating play kits for your kids on flare days?
