Some people might question why understanding child development is important.
They’re your child, after all.
And who cares so long as you know the basics?
Feeding, diapering, bathing.
Raising.
Raising a kid can be f’ing hard (doubly so if you have a chronic condition like Fibromyalgia), and the stress compounds once you throw in maintaining your job, house, and the rest of your family.
So the task of learning extra parenting stuff gets pushed to the back burner.
And stays there.
As if a pot of pasta overflowed and the starch excess glued to the stove.
Unmoveable.
That’s how we tend to feel once we have been parenting for a while – stuck in a rut of yelling, impatience, annoyance, and irritability (and love and joy and giggles, of course), and it’s very hard to remove yourself once your habits fossilize.
Understanding is one of the 4 pillars of gentle parenting, so this post is all about teaching you why understanding child development is important.
What you know is a great start.
But not every parenting tactic in your toolbelt is helpful or in line with your child’s development.
You’re in good company – because every parent has their moments of regret.
Of oh shit, I made things so much worse.
Because you’re capable of raising your kid with compassion.
With empathy, respect, and boundaries.
Oh, and understanding.
Why understanding child development is important for you as a parent
Honestly, does it hurt to know about anything a little more?
(Well, maybe about creatures under the deep depths of the sea)
Having a little extra insight into your child’s development is so valuable to you and your child – because you each reap the same benefits.
Understanding child development is important for you as a parent because:
- mom and child’s relationship deepens with trust and respect
2. mom and child become more patient with each other
But for you alone, mama, understanding child development:
3. teaches you better ways to handle tricky situations
4. makes parenting easier
Your kids won’t turn into saints, and their heads won’t glow with halos, but their behavior will be easier to wade through.
Like a cruise ship to a fishing boat in rough seas, kind of thing.
And that means, hopefully, it’ll be a little easier to raise your sweet hell-raiser.
Now let’s talk about why understanding child development is imperative if you’re a parent.
1. You’ll enrich your relationship
Understanding more about your child’s mental and physical development strengthens your relationship with your kid because you know more about how to react, more about what to say, and more about how to not react.
I know – I cringe, too, when I think about how much I’ve yelled, snapped, grumped, and cajoled.
It’s sooo hard not to react when your kid spills the milk, breaks a plate, ignores your requests to hop in the tub, and checks off every other act of childhood defiance with a f’ing Sharpie.
But you can go against what you’ve been taught as “the way” to do things once you understand why your child acts the way that they do.
2. Patience comes easier
With more knowledge comes more patience.
Patience magically disappears, doesn’t it?
Some days all your kid has to do is speak (I know, cringeworthy, remember?) to trigger you and tick you off.
To piss you off.
To yell.
And you’ll still yell – who doesn’t sometimes – but that pang of “stop” will hit you hard.
Maybe soft at first, like a chubby baby foot against your cheek, but then smack in the face like the smell of an exploded overnight diaper.
Oh, man. I’m yelling.
I’m actually yelling right now.
I’m yelling about him not yelling at me.
And he’s yelling because his video game got shut off by the lightning storm.
I’d be upset, too, if I lost my progress…and who knows how long the power will be out?
Fuck…I better apologize and chill out and be there to comfort him without disregarding his feelings or trying to ‘look on the bright side.’
The more epiphanies you experience, the more patience you accrue.
Magic.
3. You can improve on what you get “wrong”
Here’s where your understanding starts to come into play.
Your kid may be a mini-you, but they are not a mini-adult.
Kids are not mini adults that can reason, respect, or regulate as adults can.
Seems obvious, but we often default to expecting our kids to behave in ways that may be out of their current ability – even their zone of proximal development – and then we get upset when they can’t control themselves or do what we are asking them to do.
Please, please, PLEASE stop crying right now. You’re embarrassing yourself/me, and everybody’s looking.
Why can’t you follow my directions?! (for instance, when your kids are dysregulated and bouncing off the walls)
You must share your toys with your sister. Give that to her right now.
Their brains are not yet capable of what an adult’s brain can do (even though our adult brains throw temper tantrums too).
A kid’s brain continues to develop through their mid to late 20s, so expecting kids to act like little adults puts unnecessary pressure and expectations on them – and disappointment and failure from you.
For example, following directions involves executive function.
That includes memory, thinking, and self-control.
And that part of the brain responsible for executive function isn’t fully developed until around age 25.
By learning more about child development, recognizing how you handle situations with your little one becomes a bit easier, and that unveils how you can improve your reaction and follow through.
Ah, that’s right. His executive function skills aren’t as developed as mine.
He’s 5, and I’m 30, after all. How could I help him do what needs to be done, though?
Oh, use fewer words.
(Kids’ brains have trouble filtering through many words to digest and determine what to do.)
4. Parenting becomes easier
Ultimately, parenting becomes easier when you understand more about child development.
When you don’t automatically assume what you’ve been taught or what you’ve seen is the “right” way to parent.
When you know you don’t have to engage in the struggle; you can pause and think instead.
That one day, they’ll be able to do these things.
That every tear, every yelling fit, every mess up is an opportunity to teach your child and be compassionate towards yourself.
You’re trying your best, after all.
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Your takeaway
Understanding child development is so beneficial if you’re a parent.
Seems obvious, but many parents use tactics they grew up with.
They get stuck repeating those patterns, no matter how much they may want to do better for their child.
It’s hard to stop when you don’t know how else to proceed.
So take the time to learn a little more about childhood development.
Your relationship improves.
You become more patient.
And it’s easier to pinpoint how to react better and support your child where they’re at developmentally.
All in all, parenting gets a little easier.
No cakewalk, but easier.
How do you think a lack of understanding of child development affects your parenting?
How do you see your parenting flourishing from learning about your child’s development?
Share your thoughts below – it’s always great to read others’ perspectives.
